Re: Can you top this?

Posted by:Chananya
Subject:Re: Can you top this?
E-Mail:endthemadness at
Body: [Note: Anonymous messages will NOT be posted in this thread. Even though anonymous messages are usually the most articulate and insightful.]

I can top it. If you go to the Jewish Press web site and do a search for my name you will no longer find archives of any of the dozens of articles I wrote for them. They've made their choice regarding which ideas deserve to be promoted and discussed. Beauty pageants where meek girls date prospective mothers-in-law for the right to date their kollel-shmuck of a son? Check. Pay thousands of dollars to bribe shadchanim for preferential treatment? Check. EndTheMadness? The memory has been blotted out.

(By the way, a search for "Amalek" yielded 51 results.)

It is hard for me to feel sorry for the community regarding its shidduch problems. They are self-imposed, and every time the community has been offered a choice it has staunchly chosen to continue along the path of madness. The outrage people express at this article rings hollow with me, for those expressing the outrage still conduct separate seating wedding meals, meekly send their children with profiles in hand to "professional" shadchanim, and would never consider getting involved in any small way with EndTheMadness, let alone embracing it. They will not even post their real names in protesting the article.

So let them sleep in the bed they have made for themselves. I no longer try to help people who are unwilling to help themselves.

If the author didn't criticize girls for not doing more to beautify themselves the article would still be reprehensible -- but she would get a lot more support. And if she instead doled out the same criticism for guys, she would get near-universal applause. Her only real "mistake" was criticizing single Jewish girls, who are a protected class. Our community gripes constantly about being the victim of double standards, yet nurtures plenty of its own.

Maybe if some of these girls weren't so infatuated with "hashkafa"; weren't so infatuated with a guy's height, or his job, or how much money he makes, or whether he's the best boy in the yeshiva; didn't place a premium on what specifically he wears on his head; maybe if they actually said yes more than a tiny percentage of the time when a guy asked them out...maybe it would be easier for them to get dates. Yes, imagine that! Say yes when a guy is interested in you, even if he's not Prince Charming on his white horse, but just a decent guy who treats you well. What a crazy idea! Maybe then it wouldn't matter so much if they were stunningly beautiful or simply attractive.

There are plenty of great guys out there - but women turn them down for the most trivial of reasons, then cry that there are no good guys out there. Maybe the women need to change less about their makeup and more about their attitudes. Maybe they have to actually want to get married more than they want to continue traveling around the world, going out with their friends constantly, and advancing in their careers. Maybe they have to "give up" their single life for someone less than their dream mate, just as they want guys to "give up" their fantasies of a supermodel for them.

Maybe these single women need to sit down and honestly consider whether they really want to be in a kitchen and taking care of children, or if they are more content being single, and that's why no guy is ever good enough for them. And if that is the case, let them stop wasting the time and money of sincere men, only to coldly examine them in search of a reason to reject them and remain single.

I think misguided women are a far greater problem in our society than shallow men. But the community is unwilling to even have this conversation. So let the madness continue. It is their choice.


PS - Am I the only one who noticed that the author drew support for her thesis from Vashti and Achashverosh? Reminds me of all the yokels out there who believe it's morally wrong for a younger sister to date while an older sister is we learn from that great Biblical figure, Lavan. And reminds me of the Rosh Yeshiva who once tried to convince me that the "traditional" Jewish uniform for men is a worthy idea, since policemen and firemen also wear uniforms (never mind the fact that their uniforms actually change over time) if he espouses looking to gentile society for wisdom.

I wish our society would lay out all the approaches on the table and simply choose the one that makes the most sense. Forget all the politics, all the excuses, and all the hangups, just choose the most sensible approach. I'd like ETM's chances just fine.

On Wed 03/21/2012 04:45:30 PM, Daniel S wrote:

There is so much wrong with this article that one hardly knows where to begin. The comments there cover most of the problems, though I was a bit perturbed that only a few commenters even realized that the triggering event in and of itself was an abomination.

I mean the title of my post in all seriousness; I'm not sure that anything penned can begin to approach the level of madness espoused by the author of this piece. The brief glimpse offered into her own single history at least explains how she was able to write this piece.

Singles beware: The madness is apparently intensifying before people finally cave in and realize that we really do need to end the madness.


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